It feels like I’m walking in a daydream until I see the Effiel Tower. That's when I know I’m in Paris, and I know I’ll be laughing with you soon. Get here quick Snoopy — Stacy B. Summer 2006
I originally was going to blog about “how I leveled up” during the pandemic, but I really didn’t. I was consumed in day-to-day work activities and parenting during a pandemic to get anywhere. I read some books, watched some youtube clips, bought a bunch of doordash, and tipped generously those who risked their lives to make sure I had the right “footy brie” for my QT.
Also, I didn’t have any of my stuff with me until about 6 months after being here. When it arrived, I took it as an opportunity to go through some boxes that had just been “baggage” for a long time. I found my old Palm Treo, which to this day is still my favorite phone. But I couldn’t find a charger. I put it back in the box and forgot about it until about two months ago.
I was noodling around on eBay, and I came across a recharging cord for my Treo. I purchased it and waited to see what was intact. It had an SD card slot, which was empty, and I have no idea where that went, so I was hoping for in-memory pictures.
This phone went to many places with me. Once it was powered up, and I figured out what password I was using in the mid-aughts, it opened.
The only pictures the phone had were those I shared with a contractor on the house I was renovating at the time. I flipped over to the text messages and found so many memories. So many…
The quote above is one I received at the airport in Istambul while waiting for my flight to connect with Stacy in Paris. We joked that for two people who weren’t romantically involved, Paris was wasted on us.
It wasn’t. We didn’t have pressure to make it more than what it was, which is what made it perfect. Two people, enjoying each other’s company, conversation, and creating memories.
We can’t go back, we can never go back. Time pushes, sometimes forces us, forward.
The past year I’ve felt like I’ve been trapped in amber. I didn’t grow during the pandemic, I reopened my past, and stared at it, and had it keep me warm.
TBH, I’m not dealing with re-entry well, I had just moved here and I was still grieving when the world shut down. Now, I have to face the world again, but all I want to do is read these texts, recapture those moments, and wear my grief like a blanket.
But I need to push forward, and I will, I just need a moment….
